“{For men} some parts of us grew up too soon; some parts of us never grew up. Believe it or not, they both have something to teach us—if we can just trust and let them befriend one another a little more. One is called the old man (senex), and the other is called the eternal boy (puer eternus). We need them both. The old man will not change without contact with his eternal boy; the eternal boy cannot change without the love and challenge of his old man.” ~Richard Rohr

The Old Man and the Eternal Boy are two archetypes living in each man.

They are both important. If men embrace too much of one they will not be fully whole. We must learn to cultivate both of these energies in our experience.

Recently, I have been reading Richard Rohr’s book, From Wild Man To Wise Man: Reflections on Male Spirituality. In this book Mr. Rohr speaks to the different archetypes that are impacting a man’s life. Two of these are the Eternal Boy and the Old Man.

These two energies live inside of us.

Some boys grow up too fast as a result of inattentive parents. Some boys never grow up at all because their mother and father attended to everything in their life. This over reliance on one of these patterns can reduce a man’s fullness as a human being.

With the eternal boy, there is a childlike wonder and vibrancy.

It is naiveté but it is also full of exuberance and possibility. There is an exciting openness in the eternal boy that has immense possibility. The eternal boy has hope and optimism.

The shadow side of the eternal boy is one who has not learned how to think through decisions. Impulsivity and self-absorption are a part of this form. The eternal boy is full of energy while not knowing where to go.

The old man is the energy of wisdom and being grounded in the world.

The old man has the experience to know what decision to make and how to make it. There is a discerning quality that can make good decisions.  The old man archetype takes responsibility for life.

The dark side of the old man is someone who is static. It may be knowing what to do but not having the energy to do it. There is a lack of vitality to the old man that limits his growth and movement.  The shadow of the old man is usually cynicism in the form of a curmudgeon.

In order to live the life of a fully integrated man it is important to find a balance between these two archetypal impulses. We need to learn to balance the vitality of the eternal boy with the wisdom of the old man.

“The critical age is often in the forties, when the two archetypes often confront one another. Usually one is rejected forever. Because of the sophistication and success needs of our culture, most men reject the eternal boy early and become, in their worst form, heavy control freaks. Those who choose the eternal boy end up starving artists, armchair philosophers, misfits, wandering musicians or religious rebels, usually considered naïve or useless. Neither can contribute much to themselves or to society. They need their other male half.”   ~ Richard Rohr

How this shows up in my own life.

In my own life I have tended toward the energy of the old man. I have always felt that pull towards this discerning quality inside of me.  This has helped me to make good decisions for much of my life.  However, I have not had the same spark of life and vitality that comes with associating with the eternal boy.

My work now is to incorporate more of the eternal boy in helping me to stay open and engaged in the world.  I need to see the value of being playful and feeling my aliveness rather than focusing only on what needs to get done.  Rather I look to my eternal boy for a way to connect to the jokester in me that allows for more joy and fun to be expressed in my life.

I encourage you to contemplate how these two archetypes show up in your life. Consider if you need more eternal boy or old man energy.