The struggle in a man’s relationships can often be one of being fully present with the moment. When we can slow down and fully be there for the people we love, it changes everything.
For men, who are oriented primarily to their masculine energy it is imperative for intimate relationships to create a safe grounded presence for the feminine energy to thrive in. This creates room for intimacy to flourish. How can a more masculine oriented being find that presence? How does one lead the feminine? Let’s explore this more…
What is Masculine Presence?
The call to masculine presence is in many ways a turning away from the toxic masculinity that is often unconscious and ego building. Masculine presence is asking men to show up differently, not just with their lovers but also their colleagues, children, friends and family. It means fully stepping into the moment to moment flow of life and being aware of what is happening both in ourselves and in those around us.
When a man is in his masculine presence it allows for the woman in the relationship to relax and move into their feminine. When a man is present in his body, breath and awareness he can be that force of strength that the feminine oriented person is longing for. So much gets easier in relationships when the masculine shows up fully.
When we are present we are not considering the future or the past. We are in the now of life. This means we are focused on something that is happening right now. It may be the breath, the words someone is saying, our feet on the ground or even the sounds around us. It doesn’t mean our phones or social media. When we come into contact with the people we love it is important to step fully into that moment so these people can feel the depth of our presence.
Being present with your loved ones involves an open heart, strong spine and attention to them while also having enough awareness of where you are in the moment. This involves being very flexible because I need to toggle awareness from the person I’m with to my inner states quickly. My nervous system is calm and receptive and I’m ready to support and foster safety.
Fostering Safety and Trust
Being fully available and flexible with the people around us creates a sense of safety for those you love. When you are in an emotional state that keeps you away from your partner and children they will feel your lack of presence and the uncertainty that comes with this.
When we move into a presence and connection with our loved ones it allows the tension in the room to relax. The people around the masculine oriented being can feel the increased safety.
For the feminine to trust there needs to be a sense of the masculine showing up. When the masculine is lost in self-indulgence (TV, smart phone, porn) the feminine cannot trust that they are safe. It isn’t a bodily safety (although it could be in certain contexts) but more that things are not in order and the feminine and masculine polarity is not being expressed. Without this sense of masculine presence a feminine being will close and wilt. This will often show up as irritation and questioning if things are getting done correctly. This can be infuriating to the masculine oriented person. It is important to step back and realize what the feminine oriented being really wants.
The Power of Intimacy
Intimacy is the fuel of healthy relationships. It is what we long to feel with our partners. Intimacy is not a given, but something we work at everyday. When we feel a deep connection with our partners whether they are with us or not, that is deep intimacy. The way to cultivate this deep connection is showing up in your masculine presence.
It requires a level of getting to know someone by really listening to their words and considering their point of view. In order to do this it is imperative that one is present in the moment and paying attention to their partner.
Not Being Knocked Off the Ground
In order for the feminine to feel safe the masculine must be able to handle the storminess of the feminine essence. When a woman is upset and is wildly expressing herself this is the time to find your masculine presence. It is to hold the space for the feminine and not move into reactivity and defensiveness. When this happens the feminine oriented being is lost. They can’t find the ground of their masculine oriented partner. This means the feminine must leave their feminine energy and move into their masculine in order to manage the situation. This ends the polarity. It often means the woman loses her sense of being in her energetic nature. For most women who are oriented towards the feminine this is maddening.
This is easier sad than done. I get it. It starts with getting out of our little boy brains and stepping up and tolerating our impulse to defend and react.
How This Shows Up in My Life
I never really understood what it means to be a man. I have never felt a clear definition. What I have come to over time is this: the ability to hold the tension of the moment with the people we love and not do anything that punishes them because of our own discomfort.
Life is challenging and being a partner and raising children adds more complexity. Being our best selves must involve being there for the people we care about. What, “being there,” means is tricky. I believe that it means really stepping into the moment with our fullness of masculinity, breath, body and awareness. When I do this I feel like I’m being my best self. It isn’t perfect and I often fail at it.
Masculine presence isn’t something you become, it is a daily practice. It is a commitment to being in the discomfort, joy, confusion and love of those we care about. When we can truly hold the ground and allow our people to feel trust and safety we are expressing the healthy masculine this world has been longing for.
If you or someone you know wants to explore the practice of masculine presence I encourage you to reach out.
Wishing You The Day You Need To Have!
Deida, David. (2008). Blue Truth. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
Kendall, Robert. (2108). unHIDDEN: A Book For Men and Those Confused by Them. Independently Published.
Wineland, John. (2022). From the Core: A New Masculine Paradigm for Leading with Love, Living Your Truth, and Healing the World. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
Youngblood, G.S.. (2019). The Masculine In Relationship: A Blueprint for the Trust, Lust and Devotion of a Strong Woman. Independently Published.