Every morning, I get to wake up to the most beautiful and hilarious two sons a Dad could ask for. I get to help my wife get them ready for the day, provide breakfast for them, and with the new, partial to fully isolated era of covid-19, I also get to help homeschool them a bit (it’s preschool, so very hands on). We take turns and generally try to support the other as we each also have our own work and businesses to tend to as well.
Why do I feel guilty writing this?
It feels difficult to share the pain behind this as there is so much joy in our family. Yet, the small things, like coffee shops and meeting clients in person (more often), as well a colleagues and the occasional social event – are severely lacking now. And, while I never considered myself a social butterfly kind of guy, I miss it. And, I miss the connection of male friends and brotherly support as much as I love the time I spend with my wife and kids. I feel isolated, even though I am technically not.
Honoring the feelings, I realize it is my duty to let them go, too.
I can feel pissed off. And, I can feel frustrated. I can even have som resentment at the situation. But, if I don’t properly deal with the feelings I am having, I’m not being fair to my family. My feelings aren’t theirs, and they don’t deserve any negativity from my (hopefully short-lived) personal perception of the world. I have to thank the feeling, and release it.
How to let bad feelings go without hurting anyone else.
Damage control. You feel like crap, but you don’t want it to hurt anyone else. You also can’t bottle it up inside. What the hell are you going to do then? Well, for starters, this. Writing it out, perhaps only to burn it, crumple it up, or post it anonymously somewhere (perhaps not on a forum where feedback is permitted – for your own health), but just getting it out, is a start.
Next, I would have to say a good sweat is in order. Literally ridding yourself of the toxic feelings can help you be more clear-headed. A shower can help too. Something physical to release the emotional excess. After these three things, you might find that you have a lot more compassion for others and a lot more gratefulness. That’s not to say you don’t need time (soon!) with your friends, or to get some alone time (out of the family house), or some nature time, or whatever it may be. BUT, if you feel stuck, alone and isolated. Those three power moves can help a lot.
What to do to try to curb these isolated feelings in the future?
Of course, as a licensed professional therapist and coach for men, I have to say that all feelings are valid and that we need to respect them all. But, what I am hearing you say is how can I not get so down, or so angry about my isolation that I snap on my family? Because usually there is a breaking point, and I get it.
What I’d have to say to you is maintenance and consistency. I know, I know, that doesn’t sound fun. It’s the only way. If on a day you are feeling really alone at home, you have to push through and take care of yourself.
Do one thing for your mind and one thing for your body every day. It can be “small.” Because the small things add up.
Try this daily for a little while. If things don’t improve (or you just want a coach to help you stay focused on your goals), click here to start becoming the bold, authentic man that you want to be. Because when humankind lets you down, our only option is to become the best version of ourselves.
That’s what I’m here to help you do too. I’ve been through it myself, and I’ve helped hundreds of others regain that inner spirit, that inner strength – so that they can live the lives of their dreams.
About Bryce Mathern, LPC, Owner & Founder of BrassBalls TenderHeart, a Denver Men’s Therapy Practice
Welcome. If you’re here, something’s hurting. It might be your relationship with your partner, your kids, or your family. Maybe it’s intense work stress. Many of my clients find me when things aren’t going well, and many find me when things are, but could be improved. Life is muddy and messy and unfair at times. And now, very isolated at times. We all know it, but when it happens, it’s hard to get our feet back on the ground.
That’s where BrassBalls TenderHeart Men’s Coaching comes in. Problem solving, man to man, and creating goals, so that life has vibrancy. I am a coach that helps you find that inner strength to be the bold, yet sensitive man that you want to be and that others want to be around.