Step Up And Be Romantic: Stop Making Excuses And Put Energy Towards Your Partner
So often, marriages and committed long-term relationships grow stale. Kids, work, and obligations overwhelm the day to day connection that people feel for each other. This is not inevitable. If we commit to our relationship and making it the way we want it to be we can create a more passionate loving connection. One way of bring the romance is to do small things that have a big impact. Romance is a way of cutting through the day to day grind of life with a moment of “I care about you.” This can mean so much to your partner and can feel amazing to you as well.
When we do things that are out of the ordinary expectations of our day to day we cut through the drudgery of our life with something that makes our partner feel really loved. This is why romance can be so helpful in increasing the excitement and connection between two people. Yes, the valentine’s day card was nice and that birthday gift really hit home. These are expected moments that, although are really important, don’t surprise and expand the level of connection. These expected moments also come infrequently.
What romance brings is a commitment to being sweet, kind and thoughtful throughout the week. This allows for a constant message being sent to your loved one that they matter to you and you care about them.
The relationship guru John Gottmann has discovered that the magical relationship ratio in happy relationships is having five positive interactions to every negative interaction. If we are committed to romantic moments we are increasing this ratio.
Romance builds a foundation that makes your partner feel special and cared for.
What Kind Of Romance
It is important to make sure that the romantic acts you choose are ones that your partner will appreciate. For some people it is kind words, for others it is simple gifts. Some people don’t really like the romance thing at all. They find it cliché and sentimental. In all of these cases it is important to figure out what will make your partner feel special. Maybe it is taking a yoga class with your loved one when you don’t particularly like yoga. This will be special to them because they know you are pushing yourself to show them you care.
If your partner doesn’t like traditional acts of romance you can provide more present focused time. Romance is not about gifts and flowers it is about making others feel loved and appreciated.
Small Simple Acts
The goal is not to overwhelm your partner with immense actions or expensive gifts. The goal is to provide them with simple acts that touch their heart. Instead of a fancy weekend away just giving them a note in their bag before they leave for work can have the desired impact.
The reason to keep it simple and small is that it shouldn’t take a ton of effort to do this. If it does, then you can’t do it very often. Small and simple means that these acts can become a wonderful part of your weekly and monthly lives. The goal is not to do some romantic things but to make a commitment to building a foundation of appreciation and gratitude in your relationship. This requires that you do this often (weekly or monthly).
Acts of kindness are a way to increase the level of connection in your relationship. Why does connection matter? If there is one thing that I think is imperative to all relationships functioning well it is a feeling of connection. It is not something you can point to but you know it when it is not there. When we feel connected, we feel that our partner is someone who we can turn to when we struggle. Connection helps us feel safe in the midst of life’s storms. When we lose connection partnership starts to feel like being roommates with little need for each other.
Romance makes your partner feel special. You don’t put a little note in your good friends purse or briefcase telling them how much they mean to you (well maybe some of us do). You do this to your wife, husband or committed partner. This is because it will mean a lot to them. When we feel that the person we are with sees us as important to them and more important than other people we feel a deeper level of connection.
How This Shows Up In My Life as a Relationship Counselor and Husband
As I write this I realize that I could be more focused on making my wife feel special. I realize how I can get focused on the incidentals of life and not on the most important person in my life. Although I do reach out to her at times I may not consistently take the steps to make her feel special on a weekly or monthly basis. I feel inspired to write these words with the intent of inspiring the people who will read this. I also notice a renewed commitment in myself to be more faithful to spontaneous acts of romance.
Wishing You The Day You Need To Have!
About Bryce Mathern, BrassBalls Tender Heart, Relationship Counseling in Denver
As a Denver men’s therapist and relationship counselor, many of my clients work on being more romantic with their partner as a way to strengthen their bond. Men and women alike can work on their romantic inclinations and usually with dramatic, positive results. If you want to create more passion and excitement in your relationship schedule a free 30 minute consult.