As someone dedicated to helping men become integrated in their heart and head I see the challenges of being a man all the time. One common challenge is intimacy
Men often crave intimacy in their partnerships yet they are unsure of how to make it happen.
Men know that they want to deepen and connect with the woman in their lives. They want to both feel this emotional support and bestow it to their partner. As these emotions start to arise, there is a sudden pull away. Something inside men tells them this will take them away from being a man.
“…In the post-feminist turmoil of relationship landscapes, men have been struggling to find a way to relate intelligently, parent sensitively, and manage their emotional needs with more consciousness and depth. It’s just that many men haven’t exactly figured out a way to do all these things and still really feel like a man…” -David B. Wexler
The men I work with are trying to live with integrity. And, they are trying to show up with loving presence as husbands and fathers.
Yet the inculturation that has told them that they cannot express their vulnerability is at an unconscious depth that
their conscious minds rarely see. They pull out of moments of intimacy, leaving those they love confused and unsatisfied.
The emotion men are allowed to express, anger, is really an expression of the deep longing many men feel for deeper connection.
“Men’s anger is their way of weeping.” – William Pollack
The challenge is how men can engage themselves in a way that doesn’t take away from their conception of manhood. Consequently, we need to grow more intimate with our inner world of emotion and sensation. And, we need to be simultaneously shifting the culture’s view of what it means to be a man.
If you are a man struggling with this issue of intimacy with a woman or you are a woman who kno
ws a man in this situation, I encourage you to have them contact me. There is hope to find a way to something more alive and connecting. The challenges of being a man can be overwhelming. With this in mind, working through them so you don’t jeopardize your most important relationships is crucial to your overall authenticity and health.
