First Comes Love, Then Comes the Baby
Many of us fall in love, and some of us fall into responsibility. Whether you had a long relationship in marriage with the mother of your child or kids, or a shorter relationship and an unexpected pregnancy, when the breakup involves kids, there’s not a lot of help for Dads. It’s devastating, but there are ways you can handle it like the professional gentleman that you are and can be.
When the Breakup Involves Kids, Dads Can Remain Poised
So, the last thing you want to do right now is let your emotions get the best of you. That’s not to say they are not incredibly important. Yet, getting into counseling asap can help you diffuse the immense amount of anger toward your partner that is surely there, or anger towards yourself if you feel you were to blame. It helps you focus on the real issues at hand instead of the factors outside your control.
Try Not to Date For a While
You might want to try to rekindle a past crush or reach out to a woman for support when your partner has dumped you. The rejection is so hard to bear, it can be physically debilitating. And, when the breakup involves kids, the loss of their constant physical presence feels like your heart is actually being ripped out of your chest. Try if you can not to rebound. Look inward. Get healthy. Lift weights or get your running practice going again. Try meditation or a yoga class. Read and educate yourself on any and everything. Take your mind off things and try to hold back on a new love for both yours and their sake.
When You Do Date Next, Try Not To Carry Your Heartache
It’s arguably true that when guys have been loyal and faithful in a relationship, that when they are rejected, they feel more pain than a woman may feel. Women carefully think about their decision long before it is communicated, having already processed some of the pain. Men, on the other hand, are more present in their emotions, and may not have expected the rejected. Not understanding why the rejection happened fully can lead to self-esteem issues for the next few relationships. Try not to. You deserve better and you definitely deserve a fully integral relationship. Of course, if goes without saying that once you know the relationship is really over, try to refrain from reaching out and trying to win her back. Take your dignity and move on.
Help for Dads During the Breakup
First of all, make sure you’ve contacted all the correct people to assist you in how custody exchanges work, and of course make sure you’ve gotten your documents all set up. This is different in every state, but you can reach out to places like the National Father’s Rights group that offers assistance and direction in many different legal areas affecting dads.
You’ll want to make sure you document as much as you can, including paternity, and follow all the steps required for the best possible outcome. The only advice as a counselor for men that I can give you during this time is to try to breathe and think positively. And, go with the flow, while still asking for what you need and holding your ground. You can do it.
Help For Dads After the Breakup
Surely it will be strange to have a new life, but it can also be incredibly awesome too. You get to do what you want. You’re on your own time, mostly. You have more freedom to be yourself. Why not rediscover yourself? Find out what really makes you tick and the passions you want to explore in your life. You might be amazed at how quickly you can find pleasure in life again. And, remember your friendships. They are there to be there for you when things are hard in life. And they are great “uncles” and “aunts” to your kiddos which is always great for kids to have lots of good adult role models in their lives.