Skip to content
BrassBalls TenderHeart
  • Home
  • About
    • Men’s Group
    • For Men
    • For Dads
    • For Couples
  • Blog
  • Reviews
  • Contact
    • Free 30-Min Phone Consultation
vulnerability, brass balls tender heart, bryce mathern, mens counseling, mens mental wellness, mindfulness, tips for men, counseling for men, man

Powerful And Vulnerable Men

It is hard for a man to be vulnerable.

The kind of hard where you feel like you might die to admit to something you are feeling. To say, “I’m not sure how to do this, I’m scared,” is something boys are taught to deny. This enculturation means you act like you have it all together and are on top of things. Whether it’s true or not.

What a woman desperately wants is to feel that intimate space when a man is willing to let down his masks and admit to his deeper feelings. We have this major gap in relationships. Men are unable to show their soft parts and women are so desperate to see them.

So how does a man do this?

Lots of talk goes around about being vulnerable or not being vulnerable? Brené Brown tells us that in order to be courageous everyone needs to be vulnerable. “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” (Daring Greatly).

The problem I see is that boys and young men have few examples of this vulnerability being done by a man fully in his power. Most of the examples of this vulnerability are examples of women doing it. Whether our moms or our partners we only get to see female vulnerability.

Female vulnerability is strong and powerful too. But what does it mean for a man to show his emotions and his limitations while staying completely in his power? I’m fortunate to be around a lot of amazing conscious men and, still, have rarely seen this display. Fully empowered vulnerable men who are willing to go deep into intimacy with their woman and trust the woman can hold them.

If showing your feelings involves being weak then being vulnerable, for many men, means collapsing.

Collapsing means dropping your power and getting needy. For many women this is the opposite of what they want.

True masculine power happens when courage, integrity, vulnerability, compassion, awareness, and the capacity to take strong action are all functioning together. Such power is potent but not aggressive, challenging but not shaming, grounded but not rigid, forceful but not pushy. Again, it requires head, heart, and guts in full-blooded alignment. (Masters, To Be A Man)

Vulnerability, for many men can feel like a loss of power.

It can feel like being weak. Since it feels like this, men show up in their vulnerability as weakened shells. It makes sense. If all I have ever seen is men either in denial or weakened shells then I figure that is how you do it.

Men nonetheless need to soften, and also to strip “softening” of its negative connotations. Yes, a man can be overly soft, marooned from power and the capacity for rock-solid firmness, but softness itself makes possible vulnerability, empathy, compassion, emotional literacy, and genuinely deep connections with others. Softness does not necessarily mean an absence of courage! To be unapologetically vulnerable is not to be unmanned, but to be deepened in your manhood. (Masters,To Be A Man)

Real vulnerability, as opposed to this pseudo-needy-vulnerability, is staying true to yourself.

It is showing up in all your masculine energy. It is standing tall and saying this with conviction. Vulnerability is NOT WEAK. Softness is the capacity to be present and open when it may be much easier to push out with aggression.

So I encourage all men to learn how to show up as your bold self in honest uncertainty.

Let the tears flow while still feeling your spine. Know that showing a woman your vulnerable side is one of the deepest ways she can feel and respect you. By doing this we can continue to chip away at this one-sided view of masculinity that only allows for collapse or denial.

To connect, consider setting a men’s counseling consultation here.
Trailer For New Film About Men’s Groups
How to stop the violence against women and children?

Related articles

covid 19, men's issues, men counselor, brassballs tenderheart, wholehearted dads, stress, pandemic, men issues
Men’s Issues During COVID-19 Pandemic
the goal is joy, blog, mental health, joy, brassballs tenderheart
The Goal Is Joy: Positive…
Denver mens therapy, denver counseling for men, therapy for men, mens counseling Denver
Tilting Towards The Light: How…
attribution error, error, men's health, men counselor, brassballs tenderheart
Give Your Partner A Break:…
emotion, Denver mens therapy, mens therapist, male therapist, male counselor Denver, Denvers best male therapists
Being With Our Emotions: Men’s…
excessive positivity, shadow work, your shadow, working ion your shadow, positivity, advice for men
Excessive Positivity And Hiding From…
Why Hiding Your Emotions From…
Being Vulnerable
EMDR Explained
When the Breakup Involves Kids:…
4 COMMENTS
  • Bryce Mathern
    May 15, 2015 at 4:16 pm
    Reply

    I’m also going to be doing a workshop in Boulder Colorado on June 9th at the Integral Center about this very issue. Stay tuned for more information.

  • Minta Thrower
    September 18, 2018 at 3:12 pm
    Reply

    With thanks! Valuable information!

    1. Bryce Giron Mathern
      September 18, 2018 at 3:32 pm
      Reply

      Thanks for reading Minta.

  • It's Okay To Like Taylor Swift - BrassBalls TenderHeart
    June 14, 2019 at 1:58 am
    Reply

    […] I started to rationalize how I could explain that it was for a wedding card and that putting a stamp of a basketball player on the envelopes (my first impulse) would seem strange. The truth was I was dealing with my own homophobic tendencies and my willingness to conform to the masculine hegemony. […]

Get in the conversation Cancel reply

Recent Posts

  • Platonic Touch
  • Post Traumatic Growth: How Suffering Can Improve Our Lives
  • Men’s Issues During COVID-19 Pandemic
  • E-Counseling and Telehealth for Men and Women During COVID-19
  • The Goal Is Joy: Positive Psychology and Your Intrinsic Self

Tour the Office

DSC_0155
DSC_0335
DSC_0166
DSC_0153
DSC_0169
DSC_0170
DSC_0364
DSC_0344
DSC_0360
DSC_0154
DSC_0341
DSC_0323
DSC_0314
DSC_0157
DSC_0342

Disclosure

The contents of this site are for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing found on this website is intended to be a substitute for professional, psychological, psychiatric or medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental disorder. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.

Address

50 S Steele St STE: 950, Denver, CO 80209

Click For Directions

Call For Info

(303) 835-6886

brassballs tenderheart, relationship coaching in Denver, relationship counseling, counseling for couples, couples counseling in Denver. Denver couples counseling
BrassBalls TenderHeart
50 S Steele St STE: 950, ,Denver,CO,80209,USA bryce@brassballstenderheart.com.
Rated 5 / 5 based on 5 reviews. | Click to See Reviews
Theme by Colorlib Powered by WordPress