The Power Of Parts Work | Men's Therapy

The Power Of Parts Work | Men’s Therapy

Internal Family Systems is a psychotherapy modality that engages subpersonalities or what are called parts. These parts often come from our younger years and they continually force us into behaviors we no longer want to do or emotional states we no longer want to feel. Getting to know these parts can help bring significant change to how we show up in the world.

…how we think about and relate to the inhabitants of our inner worlds translates directly to how we think about and relate to people. If we live in fear of and strive to control certain parts of us, we will do the same to people who resemble those parts. (Schwartz, 2021)

Why Parts Work?

One of the first books I read when I considered becoming a psychotherapist was the book, Internal Family Systems Therapy, by the founder of this modality Dick Schwartz. It seemed strange when I first read about it but I was very intrigued about how this could work for clients. At the time I was more interested in the body-based therapy I was doing and also incorporating Buddhist psychology into my work. Still, I never let go of the ideas of that first book and its impact on me.

Recently, I was able to join a training for IFS (this is what most people call it). Since doing the training I have been amazed at how it has impacted my own life as well as my clients. I’d like to spend this post talking about the ideas and benefits of Internal Family Systems and how it can support anyone’s mental health issues.

What Are Parts?

It can seem strange to think of yourself as a bunch of parts. Often it feels safer to feel like one cohesive self that is in control of your life. Starting to understand ourselves as multiple parts that are often in control of us can seem unsettling. I often think of myself as having an inner and outer world. The outer world is the world that I’m more often focused on which involves everything outside of my body and mind. The inner world however, is also quite complex and whether I’m engaging emotions, thoughts, sensations, memories or visuals there is a lot going on in my inner world.

Since starting Internal Family Systems therapy I have begun to see my inner world as a bunch of parts trying to protect and support my survival. Parts are not an estimation of something wrong but another way of understanding ourselves by delving into how these “sub-personalities” impact our lives. All these parts are in service to my survival.

Parts do need to come into relationship with us, not because they are bad, but because they are misdirected. Often they are younger parts and they still believe that the person they are protecting is still the same age when the part came into being. When we come into relationship with a part we can help that part to learn what has happened since that younger time and the part can learn to trust that a person is now more capable as an adult.

What Is Self?

Self is how IFS defines one’s essential nature. It is the pure you that exists in all spiritual traditions. In Buddhism they call it Buddha nature. In Christianity some call it Christ consciousness. In Judaism the Self, or soul, is called Neshamah which translates to breath. The Self is not a part or a personality but the divine nature that exists in all of us. It is not something that lives or dies. It always was and always will be.

The Self is not affected by trauma or painful events in our life. We can always access the Self in our day to day lives. However, for many of us the parts of us that are trying to protect us keep getting in the way of being who we really are.

What IFS does that is unique to other modalities is that it recognizes Self as our natural way of being. It then offers a way to live more in Self. By building relationships with all of our parts we can begin the journey back to our True Self. As the parts feel more connected to you they start to ease up in their roles and it is easier to live more in Self energy. Self energy is when a person is being their best. There is a grounded, open, loving way of moving through the world when we are in Self energy.

I have always thought that my primary goal in working with clients is to help them rediscover their True Self. Some clients have found this for fleeting moments. I now believe I have a much clearer way to support clients in that goal.

Within each of us is a wise, compassionate essence of goodness that knows how to relate harmoniously. In addition, we’re not one messed-up mind, but an internal system of parts. Sure, these parts can sometimes be disruptive or harmful, but once they’re unburdened, they return to their essential goodness. (Schwartz, 2021)

The Compassion Of IFS

The other thing that has really stood out for me in doing IFS is the level of compassion that I often experience when I do this work. When I work with a client I am noticing any parts that are getting away from my Self energy. This means I’m letting go of any agenda parts or irritated parts. By staying in Self energy I can bring compassion to the client and the parts he is getting to know in the session.

This modality also allows room for all parts. Nothing that comes up in a session is bad, unhelpful or unnecessary. Instead, everything is important to the maintenance of a client’s system. Every part matters and the client I am working with is not trying to get rid of a part but instead to bring compassion to it.

Connecting To Your Younger Self

In my last post I talked about how integrating the emotional brain with the thinking brain is an important part of all psychotherapeutic work. As I get more into the details of what IFS is doing for clients a big part is this integration.

Many of your parts are younger parts that are still acting out the painful experiences of childhood. A person who feels abandoned will have a part that may not be willing to engage in intimacy because of the fear of being abandoned. When this part is recognized suddenly this earlier way of experiencing the person’s life can change. Just by bringing this part into awareness allows for the part to settle down. It can reopen a person to new behaviors that were not accessible when the parts were actively engaging in these childhood adaptive strategies.

I like to think of being led by Self is a way to become the parent of our parts. In taking leadership we can allow these younger parts to be led by the compassionate parent that wasn’t always available when we were children. In doing this we can relax many of the internal divisions that often are unconscious. This is a way of describing the integration of the thinking brain and the emotional brain.

When our rational and emotional aspects are connected in this way, we don’t feel internal conflict, because there isn’t any. Free of inner conflict, we feel peaceful, open to joy, and open to giving and receiving love. (Paul, 2012)

How This Shows Up In My Life.

I have been doing the IFS training as well as doing my own IFS therapy over the last four months. I can honestly say that I have felt a significant shift in how I am showing up in my relationships and the level of energy I have. I am noticing I feel less stressed and more grounded. I have also started to sleep better.

In some ways IFS started as a way to provide a new modality for working with clients. As I end the training I can see it more as a way of life. Thinking in parts language allows me to be in touch with the adaptive strategies from my childhood. The blaming part that wants to find someone else for my internal struggle. The self-righteous part that wants to feel how much better I am than others. The impatient part that can’t believe my kids aren’t doing what I say.

As I engage my parts and build relationships with them they start to relax and I move more into Self energy. When I’m in Self energy I find I’m tapping into an inexhaustible amount of vitality.

I’m also noticing how much more compassion I’m feeling for myself and the people around me. When I’m in Self-energy those annoyed irritated parts are coming up and they settle down quicker.

It has only been four months but I can see my True Self emerging like never before.

If you want to explore getting to know your parts or know someone else who does please contact me here.