Gary Haugen speaks to one of the major issues holding future gains: violence.

There are still two billion people struggling on two dollars a day. Correspondingly, despite all of the efforts of sponsorship, foreign aid and micro loans, aid haven’t stopped the incredible amount of violence that happens around the world everyday. As a result, this violence limits the chances people have at getting out of poverty. So then, how to stop the violence against women and children especially? And how can we encourage men to stand up for integrity?

Gary’s solution is to develop successful criminal justice systems in developing nations. His theory is that violence, which we in the more developed countries are privileged not to face, can end with better systems.

Although I agree that this is a viable solution, the other question that comes up for me is, why are these men (and many of them are men) committing these unspeakable crimes of assault and rape towards women and children? What is happening in the psychology of men that brings them to a place where they believe they can do these things.

The work I do with men is to help them become more connected to themselves and thus open them to more of who they are.

My belief is that channeling anger, sadness, shame and grief in healthy ways allows men to move through these energies and not express them in violence. Furthermore, I also believe that the system of enculturation that is in American culture and in cultures around the world must change so that boys are no longer seeing women in unhealthy ways.

I agree with Gary and believe that creating criminal justice systems is an important step. Even deeper to the issue is challenging our views about what it means to be a man on this planet. We need to teach young boys that one of the most fundamental ways they can show respect to themselves is by respecting the people around them. We need to teach boys about how to live in integrity.

I want to make it clear that the violence Gary is speaking of is not a developing country issue. It is a planetary issue.

The difference, according to Gary, is that in the more developed world, there is a way of protecting ourselves from the greed and violence of others. Men (who choose these behaviors) in Africa, South East Asia or Central America are not more prone to this violence. They just have less in their way.

Maybe this is the TED talk that I want to give. With this in mind, we need to have more of this conversation on how to stop the violence against women and children. And, how to help men, young and adult, live in integrity, Contact me.

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This is a powerful talk by Esta Soler.

Witness the amazing work she has done to end domestic violence.

In my practice, I work with couples who are working on their relationships.

Effective counseling can help to stop damaging behavior from escalating. Domestic violence is a showing that something needs healing, badly. There are ways to channel anger and frustration into other outlets than resorting to violence. If your tension has been alarming, even to yourself, or your relationship is in a constant state of turmoil, consider reading this article about healthy anger (yeah, it really can be healthy when used in a certain way).

Domestic violence is never okay, yet it has existed since ancient times (unfortunately).

In modern times, we can turn the tide on domestic violence, as Esta Soler points out. It takes documentation and public knowledge sometimes. Once the Polaroid was available widely, taking pictures as evidence helped put a face to domestic violence. The internet today has taken documentation of domestic violence even further with video, both live and captured. It’s not something we can hide in the closet with technology like this. And, it’s helped to change public perception and awareness. This in turn, has led to dramatic drops in cases of domestic violence. Soler states that in 30 years of technology, reported cases have declined by 64% in the United States.

It starts at home and inside you.

Unhappiness, low self-esteem, unresolved issues, hurt. They all lead to pain in some form. Inwardly, and outwardly projected onto someone else at times. Taking care of your pain immediately and healthily (and maintaining it regularly) is the one way to stop emotions from becoming negative actions. You can learn coping skills to do this on your own, or you can get support to make sure you stay on track. Having someone to validate you and give you a place to blow off steam can help you avoid serious consequences from not taking care of yourself and blowing up at someone you love.

The post Ending Domestic Violence appeared first on BrassBalls TenderHeart.